It’s increasingly becoming a part of me- this business of waking up at 2, 3 or 4 am for heaven only knows what. Initially, I found it a little odd, but now I’ve come to realise that it’s a little gift, enjoying the now.
Life is becoming increasingly daunting for me, to say the least. Exams, lurking in my shadow, waiting to creep up on me and bite my behind. The thought of what I referred to as “life” about to begin, forcing me to constantly question what I’ve done with the past 22 years of my life.
A short scene in a film helped me change my perspective a little. It was a scene where an Italian asked an American why she felt guilty because she kept complaining about the amount of good food she had been eating and fun she had been having whilst learning to speak Italian in Italy. His theory was simple- we have forgotten how to live; how to live in the now. We only buy ice cream when we walk past or hear a strategic marketing attempt to rip us off, or to give ourselves a break because we think we might’ve earned it.
What then happens if and when we aren’t deserving of such rewards? And who says what is or isn’t deserving for us?
We deprive ourselves of life’s simple treats- a glass of wine in the evening or a slice of cake at a café- until the weekend or the end of the month, only for us to binge on the very things we were meant to be running away from.
What I’m simply trying to get across is that we are forgetting that it’s our lives and we should be able to do what we please. I’m trying to stop this business of self- loathing and appreciate the sweetness of doing nothing so that the next time I read that secret escapes email telling me that I’m due for a weekend getaway I’ll think to myself “I’m two steps ahead of you because I’ve just come back from one..”